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by ElStark
Summary: [After S2 Finale] Bellarke "Everywhere she goes, she's a legend now". Clarke walks without a real destination for miles. She meets people from the Ark going back home after leaving Jaha and his ill faith in finding the city of light,they try to convince her to come with them, but she thinks that maybe the city of life is what she needs. Also where Clarke and Murphy become BFF
1. Chapter 1

She hadn't known for how long she'd been walking aimlessly in the forest.

She hadn't meant to go there. She kinda stumbled in it, lost in her thoughts, not paying attention to where she was going.

A soon as she'd realized where she was, after she found herself nose to nose with one of the Commander's patrols guard, her first instinct had been to run, far away, she wasn't ready to see _her_, or anyone for that matter. Clarke just wanted to be _alone_.

But the guard had done something that froze her on spot. Her mind reeling, desperately trying to grasp what was happening.

He had announced her name so loudly, that birds from the nearby trees startled awake, left their nests and flew away. But that wasn't what sent her mind whirling. Because after, he had lowered himself, bowing to her, one knee on the ground, right hand on his heart and head bent.

She hadn't have time to process what she was witnessing, because soon, Lexa was in front of her, a proud smile on her lips.

The commander had walked the remaining distance between them and stood by Clarke's side. She took her hand and then lifted it, as people from the village slowly came to stop before the two leaders.

"This is Clarke of the Skai-Kru, Slayer of the Mountain. I Demand and Expect that she will be treated with the Respect that she deserves." Lexa announced in a powerful and severe tone.

And soon enough mixed expressions of awe and fear were painted on the people before her.

As she slowly advanced in the village escorted by the Commander and other guards, she numbly took in the way the villagers inevitably took a step back and bowed their heads, as a sign of respect -or fear- as soon as they laid eyes on her.

Turns out, Lexa didn't have to command to _respect_ her. Because word of Clarke of the Skai-Kru that had defeated the Mountain of Evil, had spread like wildfire all over the near villages and still was spreading beyond.

Lexa brought her to their headquarters. Indra was there, and as soon she saw Clarke, she'd looked past her searching for someone else. When she didn't find Octavia, she'd looked back at her. Clarke shook her head smiling, even though it had lost all the brightness in it "I'm alone" she explained.

Indra nodded once, and exited the tent, the guards falling in her steps, leaving Clarke alone with their Commander.

Lexa came to stand in front of her.

Lexa felt guilty, Clarke thought. It was written all over her face and her jerky movements.

Finally she hesitantly put a hand on her arm and gently squeezed "It makes me happy that you came here, Clarke"

Clarke smiled again. Even though all she felt was sting. The sting of being betrayed and left alone, after all she'd sacrificed for the alliance, to save her people.

But she knew that she didn't have the right to feel like that. Because at the end of the day she would have done the same thing.

Lexa had betrayed Clarke to save her people.

Clarke had exterminated the mountain to save hers.

Suddenly a repeated _clang_ sound on her side, brought her back to the present time. She was sitting at the table where the feast in her honour was being celebrated. She tried to not think of that. She tried to not think about the fact that they were celebrating her because she had killed all these people. They were celebrating Clarke the _murderer_.

_No. Don't._

She closed her eyes as a familiar voice made its way through her thoughts, admonishing her.

Lexa was hitting her plate with a knife to silence the diners, demanding attention.

"With this feast, We, not only celebrate Clarke of Skai-Kru, Slayer of the Mountain," Clarke waited to feel the urge to flinch at the new_ addition,_ but instead she just felt numb.

"But also celebrate, our new found alliance with her people." She announced proudly.

"Skai-Kru and Tri-Kru will be on war No More!"

People around the table yelled and threw up their fists in celebration. Clarke closed her eyes.

She didn't want to be here.

She didn't want to be celebrated. She just wanted to go _home_.

No.

She wanted to be _alone_.

When the dinner was finally over, Lexa escorted the quarters that she had had prepared for Clarke.

"Goodnight, Clarke" she said softly, tucking a strand of Clarke's hair behind her ear. "I'll see you in the morning, when we'll discuss all the benefits of this new found alliance" the commander continued with a gentle smile.

Clarke smiled back, but it was forced, like everything she'd done and said that whole day. And maybe it showed, or maybe Lexa saw it because of her closeness. The Commander searched her eyes, trying to get through her walls, but Clarke wouldn't let her so she squeezed her arm once again, and left.

Clarke stayed still for a while, breathing in and breathing out, trying to adjust to her surroundings.

When she finally turned, she saw the bed meant for her. It looked like the most comfortable bed she'd ever sleep on. But she didn't want to feel comfortable. She didn't want comfort.

So she slowly lowered herself on the ground and laid on her side, pillowing her head with one arm and tucking her knees to her chest with the other.

She had been celebrated for having wiped out an entire population.

The thought just wouldn't leave her alone.

_We can't kill everyone_

_There're kids in here_

_We need him, Clarke_

She waited for the tears to come, but they didn't. All she felt was a burning in her chest, stomach, and in her throat, suffocating her. But no tears.

_We'll get through this._

No.

She opened her eyes and unfolded herself to lay on her back.

She could see the light from the moon coming from the cracks of the makeshift roof.

She thought of her time on the Ark. How _simple_ was life back then. She thought of her dad. What would he say of what she had done? Of what she had become?

No.

She sat up and slowly got on her feet. Her gun was on the table. She picked it up.

When she had arrived, no one bothered –or dared- to search her. Being the legend that had killed an uncountable number of people apparently made them trust her more, ironically.

Her eyes fell on the other object laying on the table. A sword. Apparently they _more_ than trusted her.

Lexa clearly wanted to impress her or maybe it was mere routine to give a living legend one of the biggest quarters and a _sword_.

She thumbed the tip, contemplating if taking it with her or not. She took a step back, dismissing the thought, she didn't know how to use it anyway. She'd probably kill herself lacking of the proper training.

Her thought went to Octavia, She had become so much _more_ than the girl who used to chase butterflies.

She felt the corners of her mouth tug, like she _really_ wanted to smile.

_Everyone is always counting on You!_

_Well, it's not good enough. _

No.

She rounded the table and left the tent and the sword.

Clarke slowly made it to the outskirts of the village without accidents, until a patrol guard came to stand in front of her.

She looked at the man dead in the eye with a blank expression, the guard recognising her, apologised and stepped aside, clearing her way.

Clarke walked and walked, without thinking, concentrating on her pace.

_Left, right, left, right._

Thinking meant thinking of her people. Thinking meant thinking of what she had done to save them.

Thinking meant the fire inside her to scorch what was left of her.

Clarke just wanted to be _alone_.

* * *

**Tumblr: bellarkemylovers**


	2. Chapter 2

**[Bellamy POV]**

Bellamy leans back sighing, closing his eyes trying to relax under the warmth of the sunrays. It's not that easy, though. The sun these past couple of weeks has been _relentless_. He supposes it's normal since it's _summer_.

Back on the Ark they've never experienced the change of the seasons, the temperature was always _just_ right.

So this is a new experience for everyone. So much so, that people actually ended up in Medical for staying too long under the sun. Apparently, working under the summer sun for too long, makes your body go nuts. Or, well, that's how Abby explained it to them when she said that they were experiencing "Sunstrokes".

After that, she arranged an elaborate rotation plan for everyone that has to work outside during daytime. And made sure that plenty of water was always available for them to drink.

Everyone is still adjusting to the harsh world that is the Ground, but they all have _hope_.

That's Abby's doing, he thinks.

_Abby_.

The chancellor hasn't spoken to him since the moment she discovered that her daughter wasn't at the camp. Well, first she had yelled at him accusing him of _letting_ her go, _then_ she stopped talking to him. Little did she know that Bellamy _had_ tried, and that _even_ if he would've managed to get her to come inside, Clarke would've have still found a way to leave, because no matter what, it all came down to one thing.

Clarke didn't want to stay.

And in that moment Bellamy had realized how screwed he was.

He inhales deeply in the warm scent of dust, metal and _ground, _and lets go of the breath slowly.

Thinking of Clarke always makes his heart ache, and then feel angrier than he probably should have the right to be.

Just then he sees Monty approaching him with the little sad smile that seems to have taken permanent place on his lips.

If there was another person that understood his pain, in the camp, that was Monty. And Bellamy tries to smile warmly back at him. "Hey, Monty."

"Bellamy." Monty acknowledges him with a nod. They stand a couple of moments in silence, until finally, Monty looks down kicking a pebble asking, "So, how's the wall coming?"

Bellamy studies him for a while, he came to know him well enough, to know for a fact, that _that's_ not what he's come to ask him, but decides to go along with it, shrugging. "It's coming together pretty great, even though, it's a bitch working under this sun…"

Monty nods still not meeting his eyes. Bellamy nudges him with his elbow, and asks, "What is it Monty?"

Monty sighs, "I wanted to ask you something…" He finally says, looking carefully up at him.

Bellamy nods, prompting to go on, "Sure, anything."

Monty licks his lips nervously, "I was thinking…" He takes a deep breath, "I was thinking about the people in Mount Weather, all these people that we… that we–" He closes his eyes and lets go of a shuddering breath.

Bellamy squeezes his shoulder in sympathy, "It's okay, I understand." He says and watches as his friend takes another deep breath.

"There were people that helped us, and kids," Monty starts again, gulping. "I thought that we could bury them, have some sort of funeral maybe…" he turns and Bellamy does too, catching sight of what he's looking at. _Jasper_. Monty turns back to him, "I think it could help us, you know, to_ move on_…"

Bellamy smiles sadly and clasps at his shoulder again, "That's a great idea, Monty." He says, "I'll talk to Kane, I'm sure he'll agree."

Theoretically he should go to Abby to ask for something like this, but for one, the chancellor wasn't really keen on hearing out _anything_ that came out from Bellamy's mouth –for obvious reasons –and two, even if Abby was still the acting chancellor, Kane was still on a pretty good leader-like position. In fact, the pair seemed to work more as a partnership when it came to take decisions the revolved around the camp. Like he and Clarke had done when they took care of the hundred.

He grits his teeth, and forces the pang of pain to go away. He needed a clear head to do this, and god knows, thinking about the girl that left him behind would achieve anything but that.

* * *

As soon as Bellamy presented Monty's idea, Kane was more than happy to sanction the mission, and even offered to lead the expedition himself when Abby started to raise some doubts.

Bellamy thinks that the man was probably going through a guilt complex as he and Monty were.

Even Abby had agreed more easily than he would've thought initially.

He wondered, if that was their faith, now that they were finally, really _living_ on the Ground.

Forever condemned to feel guilt upon the simple fact that they were _still_ alive.

Once they did all the necessary preparations, the next day, Bellamy, Monty, Jasper, Octavia and Lincoln, plus a reasonable number of guards and volunteers, and Kane packed up and left the camp, in hope to let go of some of the guilt.

While they trek towards the mountain, Bellamy can't stop himself from thinking of Clarke. If only, she would've stayed, they could've been doing this together and try to put it all behind them. But that's just wistful thinking, is what it is. She left, and he was alone.

* * *

Once they got all the bodies out in the open, they separated them in two sides. One, for the people that had tried to help them and the kids, and the other for all the other ones.

They were just about to lower the second side of the bodies –the ones that had wanted the sky people dead- in the hole that some volunteers had dug while the others had hauled the bodies from the mountain, when Jasper shouted. "Wait!"

They all turned to him, mirroring questioning looks on their faces.

Jasper tugged nervously at the hems of his faded green button up. "I know, that they tried to kill us." He started. "But, they did that because, they desperately wanted to see the outside," He makes a wide gesture opening his arms, "All this. They died for that dream. They're dead now, but they are here, finally. And putting them in a hole in a ground, is like putting them back inside the mountain…"

Kane frowns, "What are you saying Jordan?" he asks.

"I thought," he gulps. "We could have a cremation ceremony like the grounders do with their dead. So, that the wind can carry their ashes and finally be _free_." He blinks away a tear, "I know, Maya would've wanted that."

Kane's expression softens and nods, giving orders to collect wood instead of digging other holes.

In the end they end up on building up four different wood beds.

One for the people that had wanted them dead. A different one for the people that had helped them with the kids. Another one for Maya. And the last one for Dante.

Slowly and methodically they set fire to the wood, watching silently as the fire spreads from the wood to the bodies. A million thoughts passing through their minds. All the pain and the regret for all the people that didn't deserve it. For Maya, for her father. For all the kids.

Bellamy turns to look at Jasper. He's staring at Maya's wood bed with a faraway expression, his eyes bright from unshed tears for staring to long at the fire, a small and saddest smile on his face. No wonder, thinking of all the things they could've been.

Monty was behind him, watching his best friend with the same sad look.

No matter how hard he tried not to, Bellamy's mind went back to Clarke. He couldn't shake the feeling that this would've been good for her too.

It's night-time when they started to move to go back to camp.

Bellamy walks to where Dante's wood-bed had been, now reduced to ashes. He kneels on the ground and scoops up some of it into a medium-size vial and carefully places it in the inside pocket of his jacket.

Clarke isn't here.

But that didn't mean that Bellamy had stopped looking out for her.

After all, she was still his princess.


End file.
